What did we do last night that was yellow?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
