I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
