you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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