I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
