I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Randomize
