I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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