Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
