if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
