all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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