Swine flu. Run for my life!
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
