yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Can you bring me the toilet please
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
