Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
