I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
