just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
