After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
being pregnant is like rehab
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
