It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
