for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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