Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
im about as happy as oj after his trial
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
BRING THE BAGELS
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
