just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
He kissed a someone with a penis
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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