Sry I called you an 8
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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