I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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