am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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