the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
