apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
