I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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