How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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