I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
okay pat passed out under dana's car
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
