I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
