3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
can u get pink eye on your cock?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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