in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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