I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
