I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
