Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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