The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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