In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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