Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
