Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
