My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
