Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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