Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
