My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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