If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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