I slept with him to see his dog one last time
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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