Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
