I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
