im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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