Im at strip club and am horny
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
