It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
