Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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