Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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