Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
