what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It's never too late to be topless.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
