Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
